Ready To Share Again.

In which the purple line indicates fluctuation in my weight, and the blue and green graphs track my exercise.

In which the purple line indicates fluctuation in my weight, and the blue and green graphs track my exercise.

This post has been a long time coming. Months actually. I’ve rehearsed the content over and over in my mind of what I wanted to write, but I wasn’t quite ready to commit. So much has changed. If you follow my twitter (@fatnforty) you know I’ve tried so many things. I’ve been exercising, eating new things, trying to be more accepting of who I am.

Over the past year or so I’ve started (and not finished) many posts, trying to explain where I was and where I wanted to go. But I wasn’t ready to share.
I think now I am. Too much has happened but here is a brief timeline of my thinking, and the results that it brought on:

  • In which I lost weight slowly but surely. This was 2012. There were several months of really doing well on Weight Watchers (the old standby). I started running several times a week (beginning what would be a complicated relationship with exercise).
  • In which I did everything right but still gained weight. This was the end of 2012. It turns out there was a legit medical reason why I was gaining weight, but I didn’t know it at the time. I saw several doctors who told me I was fine and didn’t believe me when I said I was exercising and dieting but still gaining weight. I was angry and depressed. I also thought I was going a little bit crazy.
  • In which I very sick. Cue one year ago. I thought I might have cancer. I was freaking out. I was pretending it was no big deal, but I was seriously freaking out.
  • In which I almost died. I was supposed to have an operation to see if it was Cancer but I had a major reaction to the antibiotic they gave me and nearly died. And then I had to go back a few weeks later to actually have the surgery. It wasn’t Cancer, but I was in too much pain to really appreciate it. It took me weeks before I could walk more than a few steps. Food was whatever I could keep down. My weight was such a non-issue. All I wanted was to be able to walk a quarter mile without feeling like I was going to pass out.
  • In which I thought I could go back to my old life and routines, but I was wrong. I tried over and over to start up diet again, but my heart wasn’t in it. I think the health scare crossed some wires. I ate as if I was never going to eat again. I did keep working on my exercise. Slowly adding distance and speed.
  • In which I decided I wouldn’t care about diet, but just focus on exercise. I joined a gym. I wore my fitbit. I worked out three, four, five, or more days a week. I went one month where I did over 10,000 steps a day for 30 days. I accepted I would always be fat, but if I was fat and could run two or three miles, I must be healthy, right?
  • In which I overdid it and wore myself out. I actually ran 8 miles one day. It was not good. I overdid it. I didn’t feel it until I stopped, and then I couldn’t move. I didn’t run for a week. Then two weeks. Then I slowly started over, working my way up to a mile again, as if I had never done anything. I got a personal trainer, tried yoga, started stretching, but kept myself in check. Never running more than 4 days per week. Increasing distance slowly.
  • In which I realized that I had gained a huge amount of weight. Exercise alone wasn’t cutting it. Food was becoming a terrible addiction. I didn’t like how I was eating. Clothes weren’t fitting and exercise was getting harder, not easier. I needed to do something.
  • In which I am trying something unexpected, and I think it is working.

More to follow.


One thought on “Ready To Share Again.

  1. I have a medical condition that led me to develop one of the strictest diets you could imagine but it is the most beneficial. It makes you lose weight fast because you are not putting anything into your body that is toxic or high in calories. It will make you lose your cravings for fake foods and want truly organic healthy foods. It has cured people in my family of diabetes and lessened my chronic pain condition. Without working out, my mom lost 17 pounds in two months. The work outs I have developed significantly helps people get into good shape and overall great health. Please let me know if you want any further information. It is right up my alley!


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