Who am I today…

Dear Internet.

I’m so sorry. It’s been about 6 months since I’ve written. I haven’t forgotten you. I just got busy.

This isn’t going to be my usual post. I only have a few things to say.

ONE:

I think everybody with body issues should read 10 Rules for Fat Girls. It is smart, insightful, funny, and sad. Here are some of my favorite lines:

– Every time a fat girl eats cake God kills a kitten
– My fat is a great insulator.  It helps keep idiots out of my life.

I don’t have to explain or summarize. It is so good you will want to read the whole thing.

TWO:

This coming Wednesday, my daughter is starting a new program at Stony Brook Hospital called Fit Kids for Life. It was her idea. She wanted to do it. But it has made me face up to a few things:

  • I feel responsible for her fat, even more than I feel responsible for my own.
  • She can’t be successful unless I support her.
  • I don’t need to be thin to be happy, but I’m not happy at this size.

The last bullet is key to me. I don’t want to be on a diet. I feel like I need to be thin, but currently my weight is keeping me from being who I want to be.  There are things I can’t do physically because of my size. I don’t care about my looks and I don’t specifically think I’m unhealthy, but being out of shape is what really bothers me the most.

I’ve learned to accept and be okay about the way I look (mostly). I say “mostly” because sure there I times I wish I were prettier, but I really feel that I can accept the way I look. What bothers me is what I can (and can’t) do. I can’t run up (or down) the stairs. I get out of breath easily. I’m always hot. I feel off-balance. I feel old. I want to be in better shape more than I want to be thin. So I’m trying that out for a while. We’ll see.

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