I actually started yesterday, but didn’t get to the blog until today. There is so much to say starting out, but I’m going to begin with why I’m desperate.
I have hidden the truth from myself for the past 2 years. In that time I have gained 14 pounds. Considering that I was already 100 pounds overweight, this has become a desperate situation.
A little history…
I was always overweight. I started out as a chubby child. I moved on to an awkwardly overweight teen. By college I was edging into obese. I had all the cyclical dieting patterns of a life-time obese person. That is:
- I diet.
- I lose weight.
- I go off the diet.
- I gain back all the lost weight… plus more.
Not unusual, but frustrating. I thought I was “weak-willed” or “undisciplined.” Of course I was enormously disciplined in every other aspect of my life.
When I got to my (then) all time high of 260 pounds, I felt ready to give up all hope. Then, for some reason, things clicked. I started to be successful with Weight Watchers. I lost well nearly 120 pounds getting into an amazing size 6. I managed to keep the weight off for two years. But don’t get me wrong, I was still a fat-girl in a thin persons body.
And then it started to creep back. At first, slowly… ten pounds a year. Then, faster… I thought I had it under control when I started creeping around 200 again. And now I am topping my all time high weight of 270 lbs. Depressing, isn’t it?
My child reflects me.
The worst part of all of this is watching my child repeat my mistakes. My daughter, at 16, is well over 200 pounds, and it is all my fault. I haven’t modeled good eating. I haven’t modeled good exercise. I have taught her that food solves problems, or at least makes you feel better. More than anything I have done to myself, I regret what I have taught her.
Where does it end?
In this blog my intention is to discuss my theories about weight loss, the pitfalls, the successes, and somehow find a way to motivate myself to keep going. I know I will be more successful if I find, along the way, fellow travelers who face similar dilemmas. Here are some topics I’m contemplating for my next few posts:
- Diets that failed.
- Wanting to fail…
- The thin within.
I look forward to other suggestions as well.